Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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