Just cropdusted the office
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
