I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
