he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
