U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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