God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
