i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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