I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
