Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
3pm strippers are depressing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
