Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
