1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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