Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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