I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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