I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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