i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
