Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
