I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
