My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
