i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
