The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
