Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize