she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Someone signed my nipple.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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