oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
