What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
