I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize