Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Vodka?
Forever.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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