The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My breath smells like gin and sadness
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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