you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
