I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize