i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
