I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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