In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
