Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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