My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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