so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
