I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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