all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i think my cat just said my name.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
