Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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