I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
