You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
