Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
