My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have aggressive nipples.
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