So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
