all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
