Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
