i already hear my dad disowning me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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