your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
