I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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