I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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