is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
