If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
