well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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