I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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