i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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