Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
