my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
