Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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