apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
