i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
