Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
