guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
