Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
