Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
