What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize